And so you might say we believe what we believe by the "accident" of our births. We continue to believe what we believe by what we experience. We then struggle with our beliefs as we think about them. And how they may contradict themselves as we attempt to apply them. And how, in order for us to believe what we believe, we must deny others their beliefs in order to sustain ours. What a dilemma!

It depends on how you approach your life. If you see only problems you may miss the challenges of an experience as an opportunity to learn a valuable lesson, and then you are doomed to repeat them. You may feel that your beliefs are confirmed by what you experience.

Quite the contrary! You first believe, then experience and confirm what you believe. If you do not like your experience you can ask, "Now what"?

Your experiences point to give you clues to what "your reality" might be. I intentionally said "your reality" as opposed to "reality". The only reality that matters is yours! It does not mean that there is not a "reality." You as an individual, define what "reality" is.

You as an individual create your reality, just yours. Yes, it is relative to everyone's beliefs, and there can only be discussion and agreement, deliberate or otherwise. Let's take a closer look at how this happens.

From The Double-You (W) Book
(See How to Consciously Create Your Life)
By Drs. Arvel & Bobbie Chappell

Feel Your Feelings

For the most part we do not notice our feelings, or when we do acknowledge them, we discount them. They get in the way of the logic of the situation. Feelings are not considered as important as thoughts.

Feelings are viewed as one of the major differences between sexes. For example, some believe that women are always emotional and therefore do not think well, especially under pressure. Therefore, women are not considered capable in some positions. "What! a woman President? No way!", some will say. Stereotypes are based on beliefs reinforced by the "created experience or reality" and then espoused as "truth". This is all because we tend to ignore feelings.

Example: how many of you have engaged in a conversation, and whatever the topic, stopped yourself from saying something you felt you might have, and just didn't. No matter what you might have said, it was prompted by what you felt about what you heard. You "bit your tongue" not to hurt feelings. You didn't say what you felt because you feared what others may have thought of you.

Perhaps the price you paid for not saying what you felt was an upset stomach, or you were completely misunderstood, or the wrong assumption was made. At any rate you find your feelings escalating regarding the situation, and you feel totally ignored.

Stuff Them and Suffer

You suppressed your feelings. You did not say what you felt. Those suppressed feelings become Resentment at some point. Have you ever served on a committee? They are wonderful creatures. It's interesting to watch the dynamic of how committees evolve, then falter and expire without a whimper.

Usually when any member of a committee:

is not allowed to express freely is cut short is not taken seriously is intimidated into silence, is cowered into changing his mind, perhaps because he is perceived as too emotional and less logical, this causes the committee to falter.

Consciously or not, this individual will not give his total commitment to the project. Let's call him Henry. Henry needs to express his feelings. He may even sabotage the project in order to have input to the "new" solution, and thus be given an opportunity to say what he originally intended.

Now, why would Henry do that? Perhaps because Henry is just a member and not the chairman of the committee, and feels he has more expertise, he may blame the chairman for not acknowledging his input as important. At the same time Henry may feel guilty for not sticking to his convictions and saying what he felt he needed to say.

Depending on some specific history, by his perception, Henry may have felt that the chairman, (who, by the way is a woman; and might be more appropriately, referred to as chairperson) is ignoring him. This may also stir gender issues for Henry. Henry feels angry at her, his perception. Consequently, he reacts out of fear, and chooses not to "push" his position.

What history could have precipitated such a response by Henry? We all make sense of our current experiences based on other experiences. Especially if this current experience is similar in circumstance or situation. We then have a tendency to react or choose similarly. Sometimes without thinking, out of habit. Then we wonder why outcomes never change, not realizing that we have done the same thing time and time again. Since Henry has not given voice before, he may believe that he really has no right to expect to be heard this time either. The chairperson may be thinking that Henry has never had anything to say before, and is going to go along anyway. She has judged and has her experiences to prove why her judgements are valid.

Henry may even be aware that he is being judged, and judged unfairly. However he continues to not say anything. He continues to stuff his feelings. He imagines all the ramifications of what might happen if he says anything that he believes might jeopardize his job. Why risk "rocking the boat"; he knows that if he can just do whatever he is told, soon that promotion may be his. After all, he has seniority and knows more than all these "kids" they have been hiring lately.

Henry also knows or believes that unless he does something that validates his worth (at least in the eyes of his boss) he might find himself on the street. That's what happen to Howard. And after all Howard had done well all those years. Henry is terrified the same thing could happen to him. In the deepest part of himself, Henry is also enraged. He may not be aware of the terror or rage that is buried.

Your Common Denied Feelings

This list typifies the denied feelings we all have exhibited. The list is not complete, just the feelings primarily denied:

resentments shame fear judgments

envy guilt anger rage

worry blame habits terror

Secondary feelings are pity, sorrow, malice and revenge. With a little thought and introspection, you can identify more.

We are aware of the results of suppressed feelings. We see it everyday, every media account on radio, TV, newspaper, and magazine. Its called the "daily news".

When we look behind the headlines we see the hurt feelings, whether victim or perpetrator; the violence is appalling. The right or wrong of it makes no sense until we question why, and seek answers.

Henry is typical, and there are Henriettas too, suppressing their feelings. The work environment is easy to relate to, if you work. If not, just imagine any place where there are people.

People are people. They all have feelings suppressed or not. People express who they are or not, aware of who they are or not. It looks like we have become what we are so used to seeing on the daily evening news.

From The Double-You (W) Book
(See How to Consciously Create Your Life)
By Drs. Arvel & Bobbie Chappell